Rainbow Coloured Shoes

I love rainbow coloured shoes. I always have, but I've only had the courage to wear them within the last 10 years. Rainbow coloured shoes are not anything new. I remember seeing them in the shoe store when I was at least 10 years old, and on kids' feet at my school. As for me, I wore plain shoes; white, grey, black, or maybe even dark blue shoes, and my socks were always white - even though I wanted to wear colourful socks and shoes.

So you may ask yourself, if I wanted to wear them, why didn't I? The simple answer is fear. I got picked on a lot in school for one reason or another. Whether it was because I was shy, or because my clothes came from Walmart; or because when I spoke, I said the wrong - or maybe weird - things.  How I phrase things did not come out the way they were in my head. I want to say that I don't have fear; that I've passed the point of what other people think of me. But I'm not.

I started wearing colourful socks and rainbow coloured shoes a few years back because I started working at home. Nobody would see me except for the rare occasion when I went out, and 90% of the time, I had my family there with me. So in my mind, people would not look at my shoes or my socks, but they were looking at my family and not me. As I continued to wear colourful socks and shoes, I felt that people weren't looking at me at all; that I was almost invisible. I got comfortable wearing them and not thinking about somebody judging me because my shoes were colorful, or even because they were kids’ shoes.

You see: that's another issue. My feet are so small, I wear kids’ shoes. Many women have this problem, but they don't talk about it. Sometimes you can get a pair of shoes in the women's section that are small enough if you go down to their lowest size.  But sometimes to get the right fit, you either have to wear thicker socks, or add an insole to take up most of the room. Right now, the shoes that I have on are a kids’ size 5, but since they are new, I can feel that they're a bit big.  I probably could have gotten away with a size 4 in kids’. It’s easier to find brightly coloured shoes in the kids’ aisle then it is in the adults. So I take that as a joyful sign for me, and I relish the fact that I can get shoes in the kids’ section that happen to be rainbow coloured (and maybe in my heart, I am still a kid a little bit anyway).  I think the main fact that has me feeling this way is because once upon a time when I was a kid (yes shocking I know), I didn't have a normal childhood. At least, not what I would call normal, nor the kind of childhood that I made sure my kids had. So I didn't get to experience a lot of things that  many other kids did.

So you may ask yourself, “What do rainbow coloured shoes and colourful socks have to do with soap?” Well I am going to tell you a secret about myself... I have this overwhelming drive to please people, to make sure that they are happy. I think about others when I want to wear perfume but I know that I'm going to an appointment, for instance. I think about others if I'm in the living room and there are people in there when I want to watch my TV shows. I will decide whether or not watching this program will disturb the other person in the room; most of the time I end up not watching the show. I will listen to a friend tell me about stress and negative things happening in her life, but I won't tell her about my day or things going on in mine. Even if they might be good things, she's having a bad time and I don’t want to diminish her feelings, or make her feel worse. I do all of this because I constantly think of others. Thinking of others can be nerve wracking, hurtful to myself, and also stressful. That is where the soap comes in.

You see, when I go take a bath, I am thinking only about myself.  It is the one time in my life that is my personal moment. I get to think about what soap bar I want to use, or if I want to use a bath bomb or not. I get to choose the fragrance I want to smell. I get to choose if I want to take a shower, or have a long soak in the tub. At one time in my life, I did not have those choices, or even a lot of others that I do now.

So, I hope that today you choose something for you. Maybe a soap bar you like because of the fragrance, or a pair of light up rainbow shoes. Whatever it may be, choose it because you want it for you and not someone else. Not everyone has the luxury of making such a simple choice.

 

Rainbow coloured shoes with pink tongues and periwinkle laces, in a heart shaped frame

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